It's a Boy --

and at first I was torn.

I am a girl. I studied feminist lit in grad school and I teach at an all girl's school. I enjoy being a girl and fighting for women's causes. One of my goals in life is to make the world a better place for the next generation of women, and I always imagined doing that, in some small way, through a daughter.

And I'm having a boy.

That's not all. I think there are better baby clothes for girls, and I already knew the sort of thing I wanted to decorate her room with. The names I was really dwelling on were girl's names. All those baby legwarmers my niece wears would have looked so cute on my little girl, too.

So when the ultrasound tech (her name is Nikki and she is WONDERFUL) announced we were having a boy, I was thrown. I knew Scotty wanted a boy, and I know he is going to be the best dad to a little boy, so I was so happy for us, but I was also definitely grieving for a little girl who never actually existed.

After about 5 seconds of conflict, I suddenly felt a surge of excitement and wonder. A Boy?! For the first time it was a reality, and the thought of having a little boy, a little Scotty, a sweet little man...I was overwhelmed. I lost it, crying and thrilled with all the possibilities for this sweet boy's future. And he can wear a little hat like Scotty's! And suspenders! And he will be able to keep up with Skyler, my niece! And he can ride a little skateboard like Scotty! And I am sure he will have terrific dance moves, too.

And when Scotty isn't looking, just for me, I'm going to put a little bow in his hair.